Why Online Shopping Always Wins.

1. Because you can do it in your jarmas.

The endless agony of deciding what to wear to go shopping is is enough to put anyone off leaving the house. But it has to be done, because you just don't know who you might bump into. You will end up comparing yourself to every girl that walks past looking like they feature in the Street Style section of Vogue. Every outfit you try on and each mannequin you look at it will only cement your fears that you are not and never will be "trend-aware".

2. Make-up counter girls are goddesses. 

You are a hobbit.  When they look at you you feel ashamed, intimidated and judged on your lack of contouring skills. She can see into your soul. She knows you don't know what a stipling brush is or what "on fleek" means. You want to ask for that foundation and lipstick but, just, can't. You avoid eye contact and walk away. (I'll just go on the MAC website and pretend to be a beautiful unicorn instead. Relief.)

3. You don't have to make awkward conversation with your laptop while you're waiting for your payment to go through.

Those ten seconds between putting your card into the card machine and waiting for it to be accepted feels like decades. The shop assistant will always ask you what the weather's doing outside. And if you have more shopping to do. You try and think of something unique to say to bring some diversity to the standard shopper/shop-assistant dynamic. You fail.

4. In shops, you must avoid eye contact at all times. 

As soon as those eyes connect between you and the perfume-spritzer, you're doomed.

5. Add-on sales are a mine-field. 

Dodging the shop assistant's every attempt to convince you to buy something else makes you leave the shop feeling like a war hero. You must develop an otherworldly level of self-constraint when the offer presents itself to look like Kim Kardashian if you buy the £30 primer as well as the foundation. If you don't, your foundation won't work and you will look hideous. Also, Cheryl Cole herself has this lipstick. Your lips will look like hers if you buy it.

You must find a way to say no in ten different ways that sound both polite and believable. Prepare, or prepare to fail.

6. Solitude is always best if you are prone to anger. 

Busy shops cause rage. Sale racks cause rage. Being bumped into causes rage. Trying to find your car keys causes rage. Trying to find your car causes rage. Prams cause rage. Wheelchairs cause rage. Kids cause rage. Old people cause rage. People who walk slowly cause rage. Loud people cause rage. Happy people cause rage. I HATE EVERYONE!

7. Self-appreciation. 

The fact that you have not only dressed yourself, but actually left the house on your day off instead of sitting on your arse all day like you could have done, makes you feel proud. So proud in fact, that you decide you should treat yourself. The shop assistant agrees. You only came out for some shampoo. But to be fair, those shoes do look good on you. And you've walked so much today. You deserve it.

8. Traffic. 

If there is a decision to stay at home, buy your shit online and have it hand-delivered to your door or sit in grid-lock for an hour then arrive at the shops sweating, fuming and depressed that your pain-stakingly chosen outfit is now creased to bits - staying at home wins all.

9. You will ALWAYS come home with something you never intended to buy. 

You get it home and take it out of the carrier-bag. It had a good review. It looked nice in its packaging. It was on the same counter as the thing you were meant to buy. You got distracted. It smells nice. But... what is it?!

10. Because you don't run the risk of bumping into your arch-nemesis.

You've seen each other. You can't escape it. You're both avoiding eye contact. Must, get, to, that, dress, but she's stood there. How do you walk away without making it obvious? How do you avoid all interaction?! HOW DO YOU GET TO THAT DRESS WHILE SHE'S STOOD THERE!

She's picked it up.

You didn't want it anyway.

11. Temptation is EVERYWHERE. 

Going out to the shops tests even the most frugal of people. You're skint. You're saving for your holidays. But you get paid in a week. You can live off cat food til then. Everything looks so pretty. You could just have a quick look.....

I WANT IT ALL!!!